I think that about two years ago, I almost gave up writing. I’d been building some momentum publishing short works that satellite around a novel I was working on. Keep in mind this isn’t the first novel I’d written. I have about four of them under my bed, finished and not good enough to publish. In any event, I pressed on in the spring of 2014 to publish Dragon Guardian. I won’t say it fell flat, but I didn’t get the sales I’d been hoping for with the amount of work I’d put into the piece. Enter discouragement.
I really needed an income stream to help with family finances. I’d published my first work through Rebel Ink Press back in 2011. I had invested considerable time and concentrated effort into writing professionally. Naturally, I counted the beginning years from 2007 until 2011 as amateur hour, dabble dabble, poke poke. But after being published with my first short work “The Galloping Ghoul of Hockomock Swamp” I put my shoulder to the wheel so to speak and dug in. By 2014 I ached for a big break and I suppose subconsciously placed that hope in Dragon Guardian.
I never expected to be a person influenced by the negativity of others. However, just like a ball in a grand game of billiards, a little tick at just the right time can change the course of momentum. That little tick presented itself in the form of harsh criticism from an aging Aunt-in-Law who out of the blue contacted me on FB. It went something like this. ‘I see you are an author. My friend Suzy Q is an author too. She is wonderful. She writes such brilliant stories. She is quite a success. Why don’t you use your talent to write wonderful brilliant stories like Suzy Q instead of such smutty trash.’ I didn’t quote it because that isn’t exactly what she said but it is pretty close to what I heard. Any other time I could have blew it off. But looking back, I think her words festered in that pocket of discouragement.
Those voices that were the mainstay of my creative muse. The voices I’d always heard went away. Stories in my mind I thought I would never lose were gone. It was just all too hard, too much effort for what? nothing really. My life was more stable and happier than it has been for….I don’t know 30 years or more. Yet, I couldn’t write a word. Paralyzed by something that I logically knew better than to hear and give purchase too.
Eden Glenn was lost and no one really knew. No one noticed. Which in turn my negative mind set turned into…No one really cared. Yet, life went on happily. I have a wonderful spouse. Grandchildren have been born that I embraced with joyousness. I had a heart attack that was quite a life changer. We bought a new home and did a massive remodel project, can we say gut job? Work opportunities shuffled and have settled into something that I love. Entrepreneurship has blossomed in terms of divergent businesses in property management and Essential Oil Education. My Narration contracts continued rolling in. Success on every measure but one. No one really knew, no one really noticed that Eden Glenn has gone into hiding.
And then spring arrived early. Two weeks ago, I started writing again. The whispers are returning. The psychologist in me wants to know why. Maybe the author in me is frightened they will retreat again and the creativity will be lost.I think I’ve found more balance and realism as an author and indeed as a person through the experience.
I think the answer is connection.
I actually think Eden Glenn is back because a couple of dear cherished people, I won’t embarrass by naming, went looking for her and took the time to say. We miss you. You are brilliant. I miss your fantastic stories of adventure and sexy romance. You will write more won’t you?
You never know what influence you will have in the smallest way with a kind word or a moment of attention. Thank you.